Pirate Coffee, Armadan Style

Now, the official drink of Armada is of course RUM! but sometimes ye might want something to crack yer eyes open wider, or perhaps you crave a hot strong substance to stir rum into on a chilly evening.  In either case, you need to brew some coffee.

Landlubbers swear you need to have a fancy pot and special water and grinders but the average ship's galley doesn't have room for silly things like that. Doesn't mean you can't brew up a fine cuppa joe, though. You just need to get a bit inventive.

First, you need to make a fire, cause you want your coffee hot, right?  The ships cook probably doesn't want you bothering him while he's cookin' yer dinner, so the polite thing to do is start a fire somewhere else on the ship.  A bucket will work. Fill it full of belaying pins and bits of rags (or yer bunkmates old pants, you don't want to be smelling them another night anyway) and set a match to it.

Now you need a pot for yer coffee.  Got another bucket?  Good enough.  Fill it with water, NOT from the sea. Trust me on that, I won't make that mistake more than, oh, four times. Set that bucket into the flaming bucket and cross yer fingers.  With luck, you'll have boiling water soon.

While your waiting, ponder the beans. Check the haul from yer last raid, I'm betting there's a bag of coffee beans in there somewhere.  Take big handful of them out and hit them with something hard, like the blunt end of your knife or a small anchor. When they're all busted up, scoop them up and throw them in the pot of trying-to-boil water.

Have a cup of rum while you watch the black mess bubble and roll. Ponder how you're going to steal a few eggs from the cook.  Yes really.  Now go do it.

Got yer eggs?  Great!  Crack 'em into the pot. Throw the shells in for good measure.  Most of the grounds will cling to the eggs as they cook and you can scoop them out. Don't eat them unless you like crunchy eggs.

Now!  Take yer ladle... wait, I didn't tell you to steal a ladle from the cook, did I?  Go do that.  Stop givin' me that look. And find a mug, too! I'll wait.

Oh, good, ye'r back.  No, I don't know how your rum bottle got empty, it musta evaporated while you were gone. Anyway, ladle up some coffee into yer mug, and enjoy! 

Oh, I forgot to tell ye to put the fire out, didn't I? Funny how buckets melt after a time, isn't it?